Bereavement and Loss - When Words Fail

The death of a loved one is one of the most distressing events that can happen to us. For anyone who has experienced loss whether recent or sometime in the past, the pain that is felt can seem insurmountable. We often feel very alone at times like this.

If you are a Widow, Widower, have lost a lover, a pet or a dear friend or if you have been forced to make a major change in your life due to job loss, illness, the ending of your relationship through divorce or separation; Whatever the circumstances, the feelings you experience will be those of grief.

Sometimes people find it very difficult to know what to say to someone who has experienced a deep personal loss. It is not because they don't care, but because they somehow feel it is easier to say nothing. Sadly this simply deprives the person who is grieving of other human contact which could actually make their lives less painful.

If we are unable to overcome grief, we are destined to a life of inner sadness. We avoid all reminders and the memories we hold onto may be sad and painful. The legacy of our sadness may be passed on to our families in a myriad of ways, we may hurt those around us as we struggle to rise above the painful memories.

It need not be like this … grief is both normal and natural. When we have a grief issue to deal with, we may need help to work through the stages.

In the first stage, there is often denial; the bereaved person may find themselves searching (this can be a dangerous and painful time). Next we may become very angry, sad and scared; often guilt may surface and 'if only' questions arise. Finally, we reconcile and begin to come to terms and accept. This may still be a heavy, grey and oppressive time but, occasional flashes of good humour and well-being emerge. There may be guilt at first as these brief windows of happiness appear, but life can slowly begin again.

Here at the Eastbourne Clinic we specialise in helping people come to terms with loss and who may be having difficulties grieving. Whether seemingly uncomplicated loss, or complex grief, sometimes people just find it too difficult to move on. Friends, Families and local organisations like Cruse are invaluable in helping people through loss, but, sometimes access to specialist inpatient or day care may be the only way forward.

Feeling depressed and hopeless after a loss is a transient phenomenon for many, but when these feelings of hopelessness worsen and become symptoms of despair, this is often a sign of unresolved grief.

The following clues may indicate that further help is needed:

• Relatively minor events trigger an intense grief reaction.
• Speaking about the loss leads to feelings of intense and fresh grief.
  Themes of loss appear in everyday conversation.
• Keeping the surroundings and environment just as it was when the loss occurred.
• Experiencing physical symptoms similar to those the deceased person experienced just before death.
• Undertaking radical lifestyle changes where friends and family members associated with the deceased are excluded.
• Consciously or Unconsciously imitating the dead person.
• Rapid change of mood whereby sadness and low mood are suddenly replaced by euphoria.

If you are at all concerned please contact the Eastbourne Clinic on 01323 430831 for a free assessment and confidential chat with one of our team.